


Nothing compares 2 U

by Rendie



Series: Nothing compares 2 U [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drunk Sex, First Time, Fluffy Ending, Happy Ending, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, No British Men of Letters, Songfic, There is no Mary, Wincest - Freeform, because of the alcohol, self doubt, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 22:07:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10580439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rendie/pseuds/Rendie
Summary: Sam and Dean get drunk after celebrating the win with Amara and they end up in bed together. Upon waking up, angst ensues. Fluffy ending.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: The light dub-con in the tag is there just because of the alcohol. Yes, the boys are both drunk, but not enough to not be able to tell what they are doing. They of course do not know this about each other and they both feel like they took advantage of the other. But they were both very much willing.  
> The first part is definitely very angsty and dark and could be triggering for some. If this is a problem for you, please do not read. This is divided into Dean's and Sam's POV respectively to describe what each brother was going through.
> 
> It features the lyrics of the song by Sinead O'Connor, I do not own anything, it belongs to the authors.

"Nothing Compares 2 U"  
Dean’s POV

_It's been seven hours and fifteen days  
Since u took your love away_

It’s been seven hours and fifteen days since Sammy left. It’s been seven hours and fifteen days since he made one of the biggest mistakes in his life and now he was paying dearly for it.  
Every time Sammy left him, a piece of him died inside. When his brother left for Stanford, it was such a blow that he thought he wouldn’t be able to breathe. But at least then he knew where his brother was; he knew he was at school, living a normal life away from monsters. Safe.  
When Jake stabbed Sam and his baby brother had died for the first time (yes, that sounded crazy even to his own ears, even after everything they had both been through), he knew he wouldn’t be able to go on without him. So he made a deal with the Devil and brought him back. Even if he had known then what was awaiting him in Hell, he would have done it a thousand times over just to save his brother.  
They had both died several times since then, and they always managed to find their way back to each other. But now Dean lost him for a completely different reason and he feared he would never get Sam back.

Before, people would always make fun of them, that they were too close, too co-dependent on each other, and all kinds of bad guys and monsters always exploited their connection. But it always made them stronger.  
When they found Chuck and the books he had been writing about their lives, they had both been disgusted with that and some of their “fans”. Now that he thought about Chuck again, he wanted to punch him in the face, just because. It was all His fault, anyway.  
When they read about “slash-fans”, they had both been uncomfortable, disgusted and horrified. They were brothers, what the Hell were these people thinking! So they grimaced, brushed it off and decided to never talk about it again.

Until they met the crazy chick duo at the bar, who didn’t know any better, and why the Hell were they so stupid as to listen to them???!

They managed to beat the Darkness and save the world (again), so they deserved a celebration. They went to a restaurant to get some good food and then to a bar to have a couple of shots, maybe play some pool, enjoy their night a little bit. They were talking and laughing, enjoying each other’s company and overall happy they had a while of piece.  
Then there were these two girls – Dean did not even remember their names – that wanted to join them for a game of pool, and they were pretty and obviously interested so why not make a good night even better, huh?

_It's been seven hours and fifteen days_

So they agreed and they played and they drank some more, which was probably the main reason why this turned so horribly. Apparently, the girls liked that they were brothers, because they read these books once, and there were these brothers who were really close and Sam and Dean looked close too and wouldn’t it be hot if they kissed?

They should have stopped then and there. They should have made their excuses, played it into an out and got out of there. They should have. But the girls were _really_ pretty and kind of insistent and said they would kiss too and really, no one should be making these kinds of decisions when drunk.

Sammy looked at him with question in his eyes, the kid was probably so drunk he did not even realise what that meant. He always was a lightweight with his alcohol. But he obviously liked those girls as well and thought they might score something out of it. So they got closer to each other, raised eyebrows and concern in two pairs of eyes. Were they really willing to go there just because of some skirt? Apparently yes.  
It was short, just a quick peck really, lips barely touching, nothing to it. Get it over with and move onto the main target. Wrong. The girls just laughed and mocked them and then proceeded to show them what a real kiss looked like. It was one of the hottest things Dean had seen till that moment. One look at his brother and he could see that he wholeheartedly agreed. He always made fun of Sam and mocked him for being a prude, but he knew different. And he definitely seemed game now.  
So when the girls broke out of their tongue fucking and looked at them expectantly, they threw caution into the wind and locked their lips as well.

Dean had kissed a lot of girls in his life, but kissing a guy was a new territory for him. And it was his _brother_. It was surprisingly soft; just their light stubble catching on their faces and when Sam’s tongue was thrust into his mouth, he stopped thinking altogether. Sam took charge of the kiss, and the only thing he could do was hold on and respond in the only way he knew how. He reached into his brother’s hair for some sort of grounding, but the sound his brother made at this gesture brought them both out of their haze.  
When they broke apart, Dean was barely catching his breath and when their eyes met, he was faced with mixture of emotions. Sure, the alcohol played its part for the most of it, but there was confusion mixed with hunger and lust.  
He subconsciously licked his lips in reflex and did not miss the way Sam’s eyes trailed the motion. They were interrupted by the girls’ applauding and Dean thought they might actually get to the good part with them, when they suddenly wished them good night and left.

To say that the brothers were disappointed would be an understatement. Buzz successfully killed, they decided to buy a bottle or two with them and made their way back to the motel they were currently staying at.  
They laughed and drank some more and when they decided they should probably shower and call it a night, it should have all ended there. Should have. But then Sammy took off his shirt (like he did a million times before) and Dean’s breath hitched staring at the wall of defined muscle and that was the point where it all went to Hell.  
Looking back, Dean wouldn’t be able to tell what made him stand up from his bed and make his way closer to his brother. But his feet just started moving on their own accord and stopped only when he was just inches from Sam. He unconsciously moved his hand to touch his brother’s pectoral muscles and the sound Sam made at that was barely human. It shook Dean out of his reverie a little bit and horrified, he moved his hand away, but when Sam reached for it and put it back where it had been, he couldn’t help but touch.  
Dean’s eyes shot up to Sam’s in question, but then his brother moved their bodies even closer and went for another scorching kiss. He should have pushed him away, they were both drunk, but then he was being pushed against a wall, his mouth brutally attacked and Dean couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. Turns out, he didn’t want to.

When he woke up, he realised that the bed next to him was still a bit warm but his brother was nowhere to be seen. It was still dark outside, so he figured it was still night, but even if for a short while, he felt like he had slept the best he could remember for ages. It took him a moment to remember what had happened just a few hours before, what they had done.

He and Sam had slept together. Like _together_ together. He sat up suddenly, wincing with the slight headache from the alcohol. They came to the motel from the bar and then they jumped each other’s bones like it was normal. He had fucked his baby brother. His mind immediately helpfully supplied him with the juiciest images and he groaned at the memories. They definitely needed to talk about _that_. Dean hated talking, but this needed to be done.

Just then he realised again that his brother was not in the room and panic took him over. He jumped out of the bed, scrambling to look into the bathroom, but there was no one. He briefly thought that Sammy probably needed some air to figure things out, but when he saw a note on the table, his stomach dropped to the ground and he dropped with it.

_It's been seven hours and fifteen days  
Since u took your love away_

He didn’t even need to read the note to know what was written there, but he reached out for it anyway, seeing the words _“I am sorry, I have to go. Sam.”_ only confirming his fears. His stomach turned some more and he barely made it to the bathroom in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet.  
The retching was painful and only made his headache worse, but that was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. What had he done? How was he ever supposed to get his brother back, after he basically took advantage of drunken Sammy and fucked him into the mattress? His own _brother_! His stomach dry heaved one more time, but there was nothing more left there.

He weakly stood up and when he caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror, he punched it violently, breaking the glass and his fist alike. It hurt, but he needed that pain, he deserved that pain. He scrambled back into the room and searched for his phone, when he found out that Sammy left his on the table as well. He had no way of contacting him, no way of begging his brother for forgiveness and pleading with him to come back home.  
He wanted to apologise, promise to stay away from him and never touch him again, but now he couldn’t even reach him. He forcefully ran out of the room into the dead of the night, seeing no one anywhere. When he was in the middle of the street, he just fell onto his knees and screamed his brother’s name into the air, hoping he would hear him somehow.  
But there was no answer, just some angry tenants shouting at being woken up in the dead of the night. So he just sat there on his knees in the middle of the street, crying.

_But nothing  
I said nothing can take away these blue_

When some random person got closer to him after what felt like hours, asking if he was alright, he wanted to scream again, but he knew it wasn’t the poor old lady’s fault and scrambled back into the motel room. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything here anymore, Sammy wasn’t coming back here. He packed his things and jumped into Baby, deciding to go back to the bunker. He still hoped his brother would come back home, even if the chances were slim.  
When he reached their home after couple of hours of driving, the bunker was completely empty, but he expected that. Cass was somewhere off playing Colombo with Crowley, searching for Lucifer and he couldn’t expect Sammy to be home so soon. If ever.

With this terrifying thought he made his way into Sam’s room, wanting to be close to him at least in some way. He collapsed onto his brother’s bed, smelling his scent and started wandering when the Hell did he start wanting his brother. Last night was the obvious answer and unbidden, the images of their actions made their way into his head.

_`Cause nothing compares  
Nothing compares 2 u_

Dean had had a lot of amazing sex in his life, but strangely enough, nothing came even close to what he had with his brother. Even drunk as they were, it was like their bodies were meant for each other and they knew where and how to touch to bring the most pleasure.  
It might have been caused by the fact that this time it was actually with someone he really cared about. Yes, he had loved Cassie and Lisa, but with them there was always the feeling of putting them in harm’s way. And the feeling of not being able to be completely honest with them. When he told Cassie what he did for a living, she kicked him out, thinking he was crazy. Lisa didn’t know the half of it and still she almost paid the biggest price just for knowing him. But with Sam? Sam knew everything about him, and he could protect himself in the world they lived in.

He screamed into the pillow again, tears falling out of his eyes freely, unstopping. He must have exhausted himself into some fitful sleep, because when he woke up, his watch was showing that it was almost evening again. His body was protesting heavily at having spent such a long time in the uncomfortable position with his knees hitched underneath him and he groaned at the pain when he moved to sit up.  
His head was throbbing again and he must have made his shattered fist bleed at some point too, as there was some blood on the comforter. He listened for a while for any sound, but nobody was there, just the regular hum of the bunker. When his body started to cooperate a little bit, he made his way to the main room, where he had dropped his duffle and dug out for some pain pills.  
He gulped two down right away, washing them away with a long pull from the bottle of whiskey he still had from last night. Once he swallowed, he looked at the bottle as if it had been his worst enemy and angrily threw it across the whole room, the glass shattering on impact, spilling whiskey all around. As if that would take away the destruction it had caused.

But Dean couldn’t blame it all on the alcohol. He had drunk so much lately with the Mark and then Amara that it was almost like water for him now. And never before had he come after his brother. And he couldn’t blame it on Chuck or the girls in the bar, either. Sure, they might have started something, but in the end, it was all him. He was drunk, yes, but not that drunk that he wouldn’t be able to make decisions, not that drunk that he wouldn’t be able to control himself. Sammy on the other hand had always had a lower tolerance of alcohol and Dean just disregarded that and took advantage of his little brother.

His stomach turned again, but this time he managed to keep the pills down. He stank from the vomiting before and the whiskey and he really needed to take a shower, but that would also mean washing away Sammy’s hands on him and he really needed to pull himself together and stop these terrible thoughts.  
Mind made up, he convinced his body and legs to take him to the shower, turning the water scalding hot to wash away his sins. He quickly realised that closing his eyes was not an option, as he immediately saw images of his baby brother in throes of passion and he forced himself to rub his skin deep, as if that would help quash his desire. The soap was burning into the again open wound on his hand, but he welcomed the pain. He deserved it.

Once he was done, he quickly dried and dressed himself and made his way back into the living room, cleaning up the mess he made with the whiskey bottle. When he reached for his duffle, he saw the two phones stashed inside. One was his and one was Sammy’s. He knew it did not make any sense, that it would not matter and his brother would not get the message, because he did not have the phone, but he just slid onto to the ground with his back to a wall and dialled his brother’s number on his phone.  
It was turned off – damn thing must have run out of battery – so after a couple of seconds he was greeted with Sam’s voicemail, his own voice coming first: “Sam can't talk right now, cause he's waxing... like, everything.“ and then his brother’s voice came on: „What are you doing with my phone? Dean, come on!“  
Dean’s breath hitched a little bit. It was almost surreal hearing his brother’s voice, yet knowing he was probably so far away. He disconnected the call as new tears started running down his face. They always pulled pranks like that voice message on each other, they were brothers, but now it just hurt some more.  
He wiped his tears away and took a deep breath, getting the courage to dial again and after hearing their voices again and the beep to leave a message sounded, he started talking. He knew Sammy wouldn’t hear him, but he needed to say it anyway.

“Sammy, I... “ he trailed off sobbing. “I am so sorry Sammy. I... I have no excuse for what I did to you and I know you must hate me right now. I wish we had never gone to that bar, and I wish we had never met those girls. And I wish I hadn’t hurt you so much.”

He knew deep inside that it was a lie. Now that he knew how it felt, he never wanted to be with anybody else, never wanted to feel other body against his own than Sammy, but that was sick and wrong and he was gonna go to Hell again just for these feelings.

“I... You were drunk and I took advantage of you and I am so so terribly for that. I wish I could take the whole night back... ” he wiped his runny nose into the corner of his sleeve. “I miss you, brother. I know I have no right after what I had done to you, but I am no good on my own. Never was. Please, Sammy, come back to me.” And with that he ended the call and crumbled onto his side on the floor, shaking and crying.

What was he supposed to do now? His stomach was trying to tell him that he should eat something, but just the thought of food made him feel even worse. Besides, he would have to go outside for that, since there was nothing in their fridge right now and he couldn’t face the world right now.  
So he just stood up from the floor, found another bottle of whiskey and shuffled his feet to take him to his own room and fall onto the bed. He reached for his headphones and turned some music on, curling onto his side, trying not to think about anything, slurping on the alcohol to take him into oblivion.

When he regained consciousness, he felt even worse that before. Alcohol on an empty stomach will do that to you. He did not even manage to make it to the bathroom in time, throwing up in the middle of his room. He was so pathetic.

After he finally stopped heaving he made himself clean up the mess and decided for another shower to take away the smell. This time he took a cold one to try and pull himself together a bit. Once he was done, he decided that he really needed some food when suddenly he heard to the door of the bunker squeak and open.

_It's been so lonely without you here  
Like a bird without a song_

A quick glance to his watch told him he had been in his drunken haze for the whole night and that a new day had begun. He almost could not believe that Sammy would come back to him so quickly but he was willing to thank Chuck for this gift, but when he ran out to the stairs, he felt his heart clench again.  
It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy to see Cass again, at least he wasn’t alone in there anymore, but he really wished it had been his brother so that he could beg him for forgiveness.

“Cass,” he said, but even he himself could hear the pain in his own voice.  
“Dean, I tried calling you and your brother both, but... “ the angel trailed off once he took in the state the hunter was in.  
“Dean, what happened, where is Sam?” Castiel inquired with worry.  
“He, uhm,“ Dean choked on his words, “Sammy is gone.”  
“What? What happened? How? Why didn’t you call me?” the angel demanded and Dean knew he meant well, but he did not have the strength to face the angel right now.  
“Ehm, no, not like that. He is safe.” (away from me, Dean thought). “At least I hope. We, um, we had an argument and Sammy left and he is probably not coming back.” he finished, his eyes starting to water again just at the thought of never seeing his brother again. He wasn’t about to tell the angel that he had seduced and fucked his own drunk brother, he couldn’t.  
“I am sure he will be back, Dean. You have argued before and yet you always found a way back to each other. Just give him time,” he angel tried soothing him, but even that sounded wrong in his usual monotone voice. Dean could be a fool enough to try and believe those words. He tried scolding his features into something that did not show his pain so much and tried refocusing his mind on something else.  
“You said you tried calling us, any news on Lucifer?” Dean was in to state to even pretend to be able to go on a hunt let alone face Lucifer, but he needed to do something.  
“Sadly no. It looks like he is just jumping from one body to another, trying to find a vessel that would be durable enough to contain him at least for a little while. So far, he has been ahead of us, but we will catch him. I called just to check up on you, but when I received no answer for more than a day, I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Dean snickered at the last word the angel used, but scolded himself for that reaction. It wasn’t the angel’s fault. Suddenly, Castiel was at his side, putting a hand onto his forehead and before he could stop him, the angel healed his headache and hangover.

“Cass, no.” But it was too late. If only the angel could heal his heartache, too.  
“You seemed to be in a great deal of pain, I was just trying to help,” the angel said, not understanding the hunter’s behaviour.  
“Ugh, thanks. It’s much better now,” he put up the best fake smile he could muster right now and hoped the angel would leave soon. Funny how only moments ago he had been happy he wasn’t alone anymore.

“What happened, Dean? What did you and your brother argue about?” The angel insisted, obviously not fooled by Dean’s sham.  
“It does not really matter, Cass. I hurt him, terribly, and he is gone and I deserve what is coming to me.” Dean said as if that would explain everything and made his way up to the stairs to go for the food.  
“Where are you going, Dean?” Cass asked, exasperated with the hunter’s behaviour.  
“To get some food.” and he started going up the stairs. Once he reached the top, he looked back at his angel friend and added. “Please be gone before I get back? I need to be alone right now.”

He winced at his own words, because what he really needed right now was his brother back, but he turned on his heels and headed out of the bunker in search for something to eat.  
He made some shopping for a couple of days so that he wouldn’t have to go out and face reality for some time and when he got back to the bunker, the angel was luckily gone. He was alone again.  
He shook his head and made his way to the kitchen to start on some pancakes for late breakfast, hoping to busy his mind with a bit of cooking and not with the pain in his chest.

Turning on some music and keeping himself occupied with the pancakes did not help that much, but it was something and he wasn’t thinking about his baby brother every damn second. He needed to make sure not to burn down the kitchen after all. Even though if Sammy wasn’t coming back, what was the point anyway.  
After eating his breakfast and drinking two cups of coffee, he decided he really needed something to occupy his mind. If somebody told him Dean Winchester would be cleaning the dust and reorganising the library, he would have laughed in their face and called them crazy.

So this was how we was spending his days, cleaning up, cooking and each night he would “call” Sam telling him how sorry he was, how he missed him and begged him to come back to him, falling into drunken restless sleep, crying.  
On the fifth night after leaving his message for his brother, he was again so angry with himself, he felt the need to break something. He went to their shooting range in the bunker for some target practice, shooting countless bullets into an unsuspecting target on the wall. When he ran out of the bullets, he just crumbled onto the floor shaking. It was a good thing the gun was not loaded anymore or he might have done something stupid.

He ran out of whiskey again, so he drove Baby to the nearest bar to drown his sorrows there. He hoped he would be left alone, but when a girl came onto him, asking him to take her home, just the thought of touching her made him sick and he ran to the bathroom to throw up. When he got back, the girl was luckily gone, so he made his way back to Baby to try and sleep off the alcohol in there. When he sobered up at least a little bit, he drove back the short distance to the bunker, automatically going to Sam’s room and falling on his bed, crying.

_Nothing can stop these tears from falling_

Castiel came by the next day, horrified by the state he found the hunter in. He was trying to help his friend, trying to stop him from destroying himself bit by bit, but that only made Dean angrier and he kicked the angel out.

He tried looking for Sam. For any sign of his baby brother at all. He knew everything about him, he knew his habits, his fake identities, but he still could not find a sign of him.  
After 2 weeks, he noticed an article in newspaper about people dying and their blood being drained in a town in the next state and he decided to get on it, hoping that there might be a chance for Sam to be there. He needed all the hope he could get.

\-------------------------------------------------------  
SAM’S POV

When Sam came to from his post-sex haze, he was still completely wrapped up around Dean, his head snuggled up under his brother’s shoulder and an arm thrown over his stomach. It felt to him like he belonged there. But then he realised what had happened just about an hour ago and horrified, he disentangled himself from the warmth of the body next to him.  
They had both been so drunk. He knew he had been hazy and unstable, but Dean drank way more than he did, so his older brother probably had not had much of an idea what was happening. When he took off his shirt and Dean came closer to him, he should have pushed him away and not pushed him against the wall and attacked his mouth. He never thought about his brother _that_ way, but when the girls had them kiss at the bar something just broke inside him and he couldn’t stay away from his brother’s lips. It just felt... right.  
He ran his fingers over his bottom lip, chasing the feeling of being kissed by Dean and a shiver ran through his body. When he moved to sit up he groaned quietly, still feeling the phantom presence of Dean inside him. His cock twitched just from the memory and what the fuck was wrong with him for wanting it to stay that way.  
He took advantage of Dean and of how drunk his brother had been and forced him into something he would have never wanted otherwise. He quickly ran up to the bathroom as quietly as possible so as not to wake Dean, picking his clothes on the way. He was praying Dean was so out of it from the alcohol that he would not wake up before he managed to run away.  
He needed to get out of there as fast as possible. He could not and did not want to imagine what his brother would tell him, after he woke up. He might just as well kill him for this. Even though that would be almost too merciful. Dean would hate him, probably beat him within an inch of his life and then he would leave him anyway.  
They finally got rid of the stupid Mark and the Darkness and Sam ruined everything in one night by taking advantage of his own brother.

He dressed himself as quickly as possible, fighting with the feeling of throwing up, then got out of the bathroom quietly and reached for his duffle bag. Dean was luckily still sleeping. His brother looked so peaceful right now, so beautiful. With tears running down his cheeks he quickly scrabbled a note for Dean, like a piece of paper would change the horror of what he had done, and then headed for the door. It opened with a tiny screeching sound but Dean remained asleep, so he closed them with the same sound and ran into the dead of the night.

There was a bus station nearby and he had to get away. He had no idea where he would go, but anywhere was good right now. He just couldn’t face the hate and disgust he would see in his brother’s eyes. Dean had called him a freak, a monster, before and he did not even want to imagine what he would be called now.  
He bought the first ticket out of town, it did not matter where. Somewhere far away. Within 15 minutes he was sitting in an empty corner backseat of a bus, shaking, crying his heart out. He spent the night and most of the next day on the road, changing two more buses until he was too exhausted to even sit up anymore. He booked a motel, with two beds out of habit, and holed up inside, trying to escape people and their questioning gazes.  
What a picture he must make now with puffy eyes from crying, still stinking of booze and sex. He did not want to go to the bathroom now, could not face his own image in the mirror. So he just fell onto one of the beds in the room, crying himself into a restless sleep.

When he woke up next, his head was pounding and he felt even more tired than before. Out of reflex he looked at the other bed where his brother would have normally been, and his heart started aching anew. He really stank and a shower was a necessity. He persuaded his body to get up and move to the bathroom, but he avoided the mirror. He turned the water on and got out of his clothes, stepping into the shower stall. The pressure of the water was surprisingly strong and would undoubtedly feel good on his dead tired body. But that would also mean washing away Dean’s hands on his body, his scent, his mark. He closed his eyes and stepped under the hot spray, hands roaming over his body, remembering the hands on him from the previous night.  
He shouldn’t be doing this, he shouldn’t be fantasizing about his brother’s hands on him. He quickly opened his eyes and turned the water on cold, trying to shock his senses into compliance. He needed to get a hold of himself. He quickly washed himself, trying not to think about losing Dean’s scent from his body and decided he needed some food. He saw there were a couple of menus on the table in the room, so that meant they were delivering. He could not imagine going outside somewhere. He couldn’t face people right now.

When he dried up and got dressed, he reached for his duffle to search for his phone when he realised he could not find it. He tried looking everywhere but then he dreadfully came to the conclusion that he must have left on the table in the motel with Dean. It was probably better that way, Dean could not call him and tell him what a sick fuck he was.  
He sighed and wiped away the tears that were starting to run down his face again and got to the reception to use their phone to order some food. Luckily the lady there was minding her own business and was not asking millions of questions. Order made, he returned to his room and sat heavily on the bed. What was he going to do now, where was he going to go? Sure, the bunker was not exactly an ideal home, but he still liked it enough to call it that.

Sam had never been good without Dean. When he was at Stanford he had been happy and thought he was safe, but now he knew even that was a lie. One of his best friends had been a demon and even meeting Jessica had been orchestrated in the grand plan to get him to be a vessel for the Devil.  
He loved Jess dearly, he wanted to marry her and have family with her and saw his whole future with her. She was beautiful and perfect and even after more than 10 years it still hurt that she was gone. But a big part of that had been a lie. He never told her almost anything about himself, he never talked about his family or that there were monsters out there. What chances did their relationship really have if it was based on a lie?  
When Dean went to Hell for him and Sam was left all alone, he trusted a demon and started drinking her blood to jump start the Apocalypse. When he himself got back from the pit, he did not have his soul and went for a whole year without even telling Dean he had been alive. When Dean was teleported to Purgatory, he did not even bother looking for him. He just gave up on everything and everybody. He fell in love with Amelia, but like Jess, she knew nothing. She would only be in danger if they had stayed together.

Dean had been the one constant in his life. Taking care of him since they were both kids and he did one Hell of a job. He was the one person he could always rely on. They knew everything about each other and that might have been the reason why that night felt so perfect for him. He was shaken out of his thoughts by the guy bringing him his food, so he got up to pay for it, then quickly closed the door again, needing to be hidden. The silence in the room was deafening, but he deserved to be alone right now. 

The next day he got himself a new phone and fought with himself not to call Dean. But he did not have the strength to do it, did not want to hear the hate. He would have given anything to hear his brother’s voice, to see his smile, but he knew that would likely never happen again. He considered trying calling Cass, but just the thought of trying to explain to the angel what had happened made his stomach turn.  
He needed to get some money, as he had not taken much with him, so he needed to find some sort of work. There was a leaflet at his motel that the local bar was looking for help, but just the thought of a bar made him heartsick.

He saw an advert on a lamppost that an older lady was looking for some handyman in her house and decided to try it out. He still did not feel like going out into the real world, but if he wanted stay at a motel or even go someplace else, he needed some cash. Besides, something to do meant occupying his mind with something else than Dean.  
He agreed with the older lady for a week, to fix some stuff in her kitchen and the garden. He wasn’t exactly trained to do this stuff, but he knew his way around the tools and it was not such a hard work. Luckily the woman left him to his own devices most of the time and did not ask any questions, just happy that someone would finally fix her house.

The days had been filled with work, but the nights had been the worst. Sam was battling with wanting to call his brother, or wanting to go to the bunker straight, begging for forgiveness just to be able to be close to his brother again.  
After finishing up at the house, he moved to the next state over, working up the courage to look for a hunt. He figured that if there was an interesting enough hunt, it might get Dean’s attention too and he just really needed to see his brother. He knew it was foolish of him and he knew it would more likely cause him even more pain, but he needed to be close to his brother again, even if from a distance.

He actually found a haunted house in the next town he was staying at, but it was small, easy salt and burn of one poor soul and that was it. It probably would not even have come up on Dean’s radar.  
So he kept looking and searching for days, until he saw an article about countless bodies being drained of blood and he hoped a vampire nest would be enough to for his brother’s to go there. Dean was probably crazy enough to go at the nest all alone.

The case was in Fort Collins, Colorado, which was just about 6 hours drive from the bunker, so he needed to hurry up. Dean would still be there sooner, but he hoped he would be there at all.

When he reached town, he knew he needed to be careful. He was tall so it was not like he could hide himself very well. He did not even bother with trying to get a room, since there was only one motel and most likely Dean would be staying there. He managed to find out an address of one of the victims’ parents, so he drove the couple of streets over and got out of the car.  
When he was just around the corner from the house, his breath hitched and he stood still. There, in front of the house stood his brother’s Baby. She was shiny in the afternoon sun, Dean always took such a good care her. He might have mocked his brother for the “relationship” he had with his car, but it was just as important to Sam. It had always been more of a home than anything else.

He stood there at the corner, quietly watching, hoping that nobody would see him staring around. With the recent deaths in town a creepy snoopy tall guy would most likely be a suspect. He stopped breathing altogether when the door from the house opened and out came Dean, dressed up in his Fed suit. His brother was shaking hands with the grieving parents and then the door closed, the older hunter making his way to his car.  
Sam was watching, Dean always did look great in that suit. He saw the fake comforting smile his brother was putting on for the parents’ sake, but he could also see the pain his brother was in. And it was all Sam’s fault. He turned the corner again and crumbled down along the wall for support, crying. He knew it had been a mistake to come here and see his brother, but he needed to look at him at least one more time.

He was so lost in his crying and misery that he did not hear footsteps approaching until they were too close and before he managed to stand up and run away, Dean came from around the corner and was just a few inches away from him. There was just the wall behind him and he had nowhere to run.

There was a long moment of silence (it felt like hours to Sam) when they were just staring into each other’s eyes, searching for something to say. Sam was about to start to attempt to apologise, when his brother just let out a desperate and broken out “Sammy” out of his mouth and then he was being crushed between the wall and his brother into a bone shattering hug.  
He did not know what was happening, why did he deserve this, but even if this was the last hug, he was ever going to get, he was grateful for it.

_`Cause nothing compares  
Nothing compares 2 u_

Tears started pouring down his face again freely and he could barely catch his breath from being hugged too tight, but he did not care. He wanted to stay in this embrace forever. When he started heaving from the crying, Dean let go and if Sam hadn’t had the support of the wall, he would have fallen down on the ground again. Dean was crying too, but there was something else in his features as well so he could actually stand a chance. And Dean had hugged him, so that was a good sign too. He took a couple of erratic breaths and started saying the first thing that came to his mind, hoping his brother would not send him away.

“Dean, I am so _so_ sorry. I have no idea what had gotten over me and I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore, but I swear I will never do it again and, and... we were drunk and I took advantage of you and I am freak and...” suddenly he was being shaken from his rambling by Dean’s hands on his shoulders.  
“You took advantage of me? What?” Dean asked in disbelieve, but his voice was strangled by his own pain. “You were so drunk Sammy and you didn’t know what you were doing and I did not stop you and then I pushed you on the bed and then I... and then I...” Dean could not even put into words what he had done and was now crying himself, his head falling onto Sam’s shoulder.

Sam did not know what was happening. Did Dean think that he abused Sam? That Sam did not want it? Oh...oh...

“Dean, Dean no listen to me. I was drunk, yes, but I still knew what was happening.” This got Dean’s attention and his brother wiped his face on his suit sleeve and turned his eyes to Sam’s.  
“I don’t understand what happened and it was partly the alcohol, but ever since that kiss in the bar I could not stop thinking about you and then you came closer to me and touched me and I just wanted to be touched more. I know it is sick and I know you probably hate me for it, but...” he did not get to finish as his lips were claimed in a hungry and desperate kiss.

Sam’s whole world stopped. Was that really happening, could Dean actually feel the same way? He could not taste any alcohol on his brother’s breath, so this time they were both completely sober. His brain helpfully supplied that he should be kissing back and he put all of his pent up sorrow and heartache into that kiss, his hands roaming all over Dean’s back.

When they both needed to breathe, they broke their mouths apart, but still stayed smashed together against the wall needing to feel the other close.

“I can hear the wheels turning in that head of yours, Sammy.” Dean said after a couple of seconds with a smile and Sam started crying again, unbelieving he got to see that smile again, directed at him no less. Dean reached out to wipe them away gently and put another short kiss onto his mouth.

“So I am guessing that we both spent the worst two weeks of our lives thinking that we took advantage of each other and that the other would never want to see us again, huh?” Dean asked and Sam only managed to nod. After a little while, he said:

“When I woke up... after... I realised what I had done and I couldn’t stand the way you would look at me and hate me. So I did the only thing I knew how to do and that was run.” Sam saw the pain return momentarily onto his brother’s face and he knew he made a terrible mistake at that time. “I thought you would never want to see me again, so I tried to stay away, but it was so damn hard. When I saw this case, I knew I had to come here just to see you, even if it were just from around the corner.”

“When I realised what had happened and that you were gone, I almost broke the motel room. And then I thought about trying to call you but you left your phone there and it was a clear message that you did not want to hear from me again.” Dean added his own experience.

“What? No. I did not leave the phone there on purpose, when I got to the next town over I realised I must have forgotten it there but I did not plan on it.”

“I just ran out of the room in the dead of the night to the street and started screaming your name.” Dean’s own eyes started to water again at that memory. “An old lady had to get me out of the sidewalk after I had been kneeling there for like hours.”

“Oh, Dean, I am so sorry.” Sam said, wanting to take back the time, again.

“I took our stuff, got back to Baby and drove home hoping that you would come back, eventually. I was calling you every damn night, leaving you messages even though I knew you would never get them. But hearing your voice on that damn machine kept me going a little bit.”

Sam didn’t how else to say he was sorry anymore, so he just gently raised his brother’s head a little bit and kissed him lightly in apology. He would apologise for the rest of his life if that mean Dean would not let him go.

“Once I got myself a new phone, I almost called you every 10 minutes. But then I did not want to hear the disgust in your voice, even if you would have picked up, so I never did.”

“So we are both stupid and we should have talked about it before both jumping to the same terrible conclusion.” Dean smiled a little bit and then leaned for another kiss.

Sam wanted to apologise (again) for leaving, but Dean had a different – smarter – idea.  
“Ehm, we should probably take this elsewhere so as not to scare out our audience, huh?” Dean said with a chuckle and only then did Sam realise that there was a couple of people looking at them from a distance.  
“Shit, eh, yeah probably a good idea.” Sam smiled too and wanted to push himself from the wall, but Dean was still blocking his way. He smirked mischievously at his younger brother and then went for another scorching albeit short kiss before untangling himself.  
Sam was still catching his breath when they heard a short applause from the locals. He chuckled at his brother’s theatrics but it felt great to be so publicly claimed.

“I have room at the motel nearby and I believe you and I need to continue this conversation in a more private area.” Dean winked at him and then headed in the direction of his car. Sam turned red in face from the meaning of it, still unbelieving this was really happening. And here he thought he should not have come here.

The ride to motel was mercifully very short and the second the door to their room closed, Dean was cornering him against the wall, with a serious look on his face.

“I feel like I need to ask this, because I really need you to be sure and because I don’t think I would be able to survive if I had you and you ran away from me again. So do you really want this, Sammy? Do you really want me?”  
“Yes, yes Dean I want you. But only if you want me, too. I don’t want you doing this just because you...” Sam did not get to finish as he was silenced by Dean’s mouth on his in a bruising kiss.  
“Oh, I want you, baby boy.” Dean moaned into the kiss and then ground his pelvis into his brother just to have him feel, how much he really wanted it. Sam moaned himself at the contact and at the nick name.  
“I am never leaving you again.” Sam promised and kissed Dean back.  
“Oh I sure hope so, otherwise I might just tie you to my bed in the bunker and never let you leave.” Dean said with hunger, but there was a brief hesitation if he did not overdo it. Judging by Sam’s breathy moan and his hips twitching was a response enough.  
“Oh, you like that, huh? We are gonna have to explore that once we get back, but right now I want to feel your hands on me. We still have that vamp nest to kill but I need you first. Waited too long for this.” Dean finished and went for his mouth again.

They hastily made their way to the bed, shedding clothes on their way. Sam hazily realised there was just one huge king sized bed and he raised his eyebrows teasingly at his brother.  
“It was the only room they had left. I almost didn’t want to hope you would even be here, let alone talk to me, let alone come back here with me for this.” Dean answered the unasked question and then pushed Sam onto the bed, roaming his eyes hungrily over his gorgeous naked body.

Sam was looking back up at Dean, squirming a bit at the attention he was getting, but enjoying the sight before his eyes as well. The looking was great and all, but right now he needed to touch.

“Dean,” he said, his voice already hoarse, and raised his right hand in invitation for his brother to join him.  
“I am right here, Sammy.” Dean answered. “Let me look at you. I did not get to much that night in the dark.”  
Sam whined softly, cheeks turning red under his brother’s gaze, but he knew he was right. That night there was almost complete darkness in the room, just a street lamp shining through the curtains and now he could truly appreciate his brother’s looks. Sure, they have seen each other naked a few times; there was no avoiding it with their way of living since childhood. They even walked in on each other a couple of times when they were with different people, but that always resulted in a muttered curse and hasty departure. Now they could really look and it was doing wonders to Sam being the only source of putting that hungry look on his brother’s face. But looking wasn’t enough.

“I still can’t believe I get to see you like this, Sammy. That you are really here and all for me.” Dean almost whispered in disbelieve. Sam felt the absolutely same thing.  
“I am here Dean, I am yours. But please, I need to touch you.” Sam pleaded and even Dean decided that they have been apart way too long. In one swift move he reached the bed and blanketed Sam with his own body, going straight for his brother’s mouth, grinding their hips together.  
The feeling was exquisite, the connection of skin and their growing erections forcing pleasured sounds out of both of them. Sam’s hands immediately started roaming all over Dean’s back and he knew he would never get enough of this. He buckled his hips and moaned into the kiss, giving as good as he got.  
When Dean reached out into his hair and tugged lightly, he was forced to break their mouths apart to moan out loud. 

“You like your hair tugged, huh?” Dean asked with a smile that meant nothing good and only the best things at the same time.  
“Yes, more please.” Sam managed and then whined again when Dean tugged a bit harder, then just started roaming his hands through the strands of hair.  
“Hmmm, they are so soft.” and suddenly he tugged a bit more sharply, combined with a roll of his hips, earning a gasp from the younger hunter, eyes rolling back into his head from the pleasure.  
Sam did not know where to put his hands first, so he was just raking his fingernails down his brother’s muscular back, trying to cover as much as skin as possible. He felt like he was in Heaven and they barely even started. It all felt thousand times better when their senses were not numbed by the alcohol and he already thought that before was the best thing he could have experienced.

Dean returned his mouth for another short kiss and then started moving down, kissing and nipping his neck, leaving small marks on his brother’s body. When Dean reached one of his nipples, he also snaked a hand between their bodies, wrapping his palm around both their erections and Sam had to put his own forearm into his mouth so as not to scream loudly at the sensation of finally being touched. Dean noticed and took the hand away.

“I want to hear you Sammy, want to hear every little sound coming from your mouth.” He chastised, but the hand between them never stopped.  
“They... they might throw us out of this place.” Sam said with a smile after catching his breath a little. Dean full out grinned at him and added:  
“Wait till I have you back home little brother, I am gonna have you screaming my name.” He said with such a heat and promise, combined with a squeeze around their throbbing lengths that Sam could not help but shout his brother’s name.  
“Dean!” throwing his had back, not caring anymore who could hear them.  
“Yes, like that, baby,” said Dean satisfied, going for a gentle bite to Sam’s Adam’s apple.  
“I would like to do so much with you, but we don’t have the time or the privacy for that right now and I need you.” Dean was getting desperate as well.  
“Yes please, Dean, I need you too, please.” He was full on pleading but he did not care anymore, he needed to feel Dean inside him again.

All of a sudden the hand on their cocks stopped and Dean let out a curse.  
“Fuck!”  
“Well, not if you stop now.” Sam said with a cheeky smile, but also wondering what was wrong. He earned himself a sudden squeeze on his erection for that comment and he could not help but wriggle his hips into trying to get more friction again.  
“The lube is at the bottom of my duffle at the door,” Dean groaned hating to lose the contact even for a second. “Wasn’t even hoping for anything like this.” He finished and then surged for another scorching kiss just to chase away the bad memories of the past two weeks.  
“I will be right back little brother, don’t you dare move.” He growled into Sam’s lips and then reluctantly moved himself away from the worm body underneath him in search of the pesky little bottle.  
“Hurry.” Sam whined when he lost the pressure of his brother above him.

Dean was rummaging in his bag for a couple of seconds (eternity) before he finally located what they needed. He turned around and his breath hitched when he took in Sam’s writhing form on the bed. He was sprawled out, hair dishevelled, his lightly spread legs an invitation enough.  
“Damn, Sammy. You look good enough to eat.” Dean growled with hunger and hastily got back to the place he vacated only moments ago.  
“Later, now I need to feel you inside me.” The older hunter shivered at the meaning and the image that immediately popped into his head and claimed Sam’s mouth in a devouring kiss, as if starving for it.

Sam was starting to lose his mind and when he heard the bottle being opened and Dean coating a bunch of his fingers, he knew he wouldn’t have to wait much longer. His breath hitched when he felt the gentle pressure of one of Dean’s fingers against is hole, buckling hips, trying to get it inside him. Luckily Dean complied and soon he was reduced to desperate whining, unable to form words other than “Dean”, “yes” or “please.  
When Dean pressed the pads of his now two fingers against his prostate, he had to fight hard not to lose it then and there. Luckily his brother sensed that he was too close and avoided the bundle of nerves for now, quickly adding a third finger. Sam was hanging on by a thread, the short nails of his right hand deeply embedded into his brother’s shoulder, the other fisting the sheets, trying to ground himself a little bit.  
And then Dean removed his fingers altogether and he wanted to scream at feeling so empty, but he knew something better was coming soon. Dean kissed him again, gently this time and then looked straight into his eyes, the passion, hunger but also love apparent in his gaze.

“You ready, Sammy?” He asked and it took Sam a second to concentrate enough to answer.  
“Yes. I want you Dean.” The younger hunter replied, trying to convey the same emotions.

And then Dean positioned himself and with utmost concentration pushed himself slowly inside, both being overwhelmed by that feeling. “Dean” and “Sammy” were moaned out at the same time. Dean didn’t move for a little while, trying to let his brother get accustomed to the feeling and it was taking all of his strength not to start thrusting right away like he wanted. Only when Sam muttered a “please Dean move” did he start to move slowly, relishing in the heat surrounding him.  
“You feel so good, baby boy. So perfect.” Dean breathed out but Sam did not get a chance to say anything back before his mouth was being ravished again. This was so much better than that night two weeks ago and he felt himself losing control fast, especially when Dean started moving faster, bumping into his prostate on every other thrust, their mouths never moving away from each other for too long.  
“Dean, yes... not gonna last long.” He managed to say between kisses, wanting for this to last forever, but knowing he could not stop it.  
“Me neither baby, feels too good.” Dean breathed out as well and then he reached to wrap his hand around Sam’s erection to help him get even more pleasure.  
“Come for me.” Dean whispered into Sam’s ear and angled his next thrust directly in his prostate.  
“Deaaaan!” Sam managed to shout out before his whole body curved with pleasure, eyes rolling into the back of his skull, his cock spurting ropes of come.  
With Sam’s internal muscles squeezing around him Dean did not last much longer and after a couple of short quick thrusts he came as well, throwing his head back and a strangled “Sammy” leaving his mouth. He all but collapsed into Sam, unable to hold himself much longer above him with the intense pleasure.

After a minute or so of catching their breaths, Dean gently pulled out, but immediately snuggled close to his brother’s side, unwilling to move away even for an inch, pulling the blanket over them both. When Sam opened his eyes and looked down at Dean looking back at him, his eyes swelled with small tears again, happiness overwhelming him.  
Dean did not even say anything, understanding completely with his eyes slightly red, and just pushed himself up again a bit to gently kiss the tears away from his eyes. After placing short kisses all over Sam’s face he looked at him again and when Sam opened his eyes, Dean said:

“Love you, Sammy.” It was almost whispered, unsure if it was too much too soon, but needing to say it anyway.  
“Love you too, Dean.” Sam answered back with a smile thanking whoever was listening that he was in his brother’s arms. They needed a shower but it could wait a bit.

Dean laid his head onto Sam’s shoulder and started running his fingers through his brother’s hair again. Suddenly Sam felt Dean smile, the motion reaching his eyes.

“What are you smiling about?” Sam asked, wanting to know every detail.  
Dean was quiet for a short moment than said: “Before, when I was leaving Chuck and Amara, she said that since I gave her what she needed the most, she wanted to do the same thing for me. And then they disappeared and I had no idea what she meant. But now I know. She gave me you.” Dean looked up at him again and Sam had no idea what to answer to that other than kissing his brother again with an inch of their lives.

When they broke apart, Dean was still smiling, and then rolling his eyes in his head at what he had just said.  
“Wow, that was sappy!” He exclaimed, but the smile was not faltering.  
“Jerk.” Sam snickered, earning himself a “Bitch” as a reply.

They both laughed at that exchange, some things not changing even after the change in their relationship. They still had the vamp nest to kill, but they were together and everything was right in the world.

_`Cause nothing compares  
Nothing compares 2 u_

**Author's Note:**

> Okey and that is it. I _might _be persuaded into writing the scene in the bunker, when Dean promises to tie Sammy to his bed and make him scream, but I am not sure yet. :) Let me know what you thought about this and if you would like for me to write the other part.__


End file.
